A Mother's Love Beats All Odds

By Rochelle Hughes

Seven months into my pregnancy, my doctor told me “Your amniotic fluid is low, you need to deliver today.” My fiancé’s sister drove me to the hospital and when I got a room in the labor and delivery area, the doctor finally came and I was induced with Pitocin.

I was contracting so hard that the baby’s heart rate lowered and they gave me a choice of an epidural or a Cesarean section. I chose the epidural and after a few hours I had dilated to 10 centimeters. The delivery went relatively smoothly and at 2:16 p.m. our daughter Summer was born. My doctor came over to my bed, holding the baby, and told my fiancé and me, “There’s something we need to talk about.”

I looked down at my little girl. Her eyes were slightly slanted, the bridge of her nose was flat, her ears were so small and not aligned with her eyes, and her cheeks were so chunky. With tears running down my cheeks, I said, “I know. She has Down syndrome.”

This wasn’t a total surprise. An early ultrasound screening had revealed the potential for our daughter to be born with this disability, caused by the presence of an extra chromosome. These tests measure the quantities of normal substances in the mother’s blood. The test results for an mom who wasn’t likely to have a Down syndrome baby would have been 1 in 300. My test results were 1 in 96. At the time I didn’t think anything of it. “That’s like a penny out of a dollar,” I told myself.

Summer needed an echocardiogram to make sure she didn’t have any problems with her heart. Babies with Down syndrome often have heart defects and need surgery within the first few days of life. Then she needed blood work.

When I first saw her, all I could think was, “Why did this happen to us? What did I do wrong?” I wasn’t even thinking of what a gift she was to us until the nurses took her away. I waited all day for her to come back to my room. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t be with me.

After the epidural finally wore off, I went to the nursery where she was kept in a ventilator and I looked at her and cried. She had on an oxygen mask that she kept ripping out of her nose. The nurses had to tape it to her face. That night I woke up every three hours to feed her, each time rocking her to sleep, trying to do everything I could to bond with her.

Five days later, test results finally came back and her heart was perfect. It was the biggest relief. It was time to take her home to her room, where her crib, dressers, and changing table were all dolled up for her, where I had drawn and painted Winnie the Pooh characters on every wall.

It’s been a little over a year since Summer was born, and she’s already taught me so much about life. I really want moms to know that even though she is different, Summer is not disabled. Every child is a gift, and I love mine unconditionally.

Rochelle lives with her family in Hobart, IN.

Children After Cancer: What You Need to Know

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer as a 36-year-old newlywed, my husband and I had to put off our plans for trying to conceive our first child-and I joined an ever-growing club of younger cancer survivors. There are over a million people in America today who've survived cancer and are still under the age of 45, and 100,000 more men and women get diagnosed with cancer every year while still of reproductive age.

Pregnancy comes with an onslaught of challenges and questions for women with even the most humdrum of health histories. But for someone who's had cancer, add a new list of worries to the ordinary ones you'd share with any other woman. Can you get pregnant? Should you? What are your options? Do you need to be watched like a hawk by a team of high-risk specialists?

Although both cancer itself and, more commonly, cancer treatments like chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery can wreak havoc on your fertility, the good news is this: many women who've gone through cancer treatment have gone on to get pregnant-either spontaneously, or with the help of fertility preservation and assisted reproduction-and have normal, healthy pregnancies and happy families.

I'm one of them. After we adopted our beautiful daughter less than a year and a half after I finished treatment, I was able to get pregnant when she was a toddler and gave birth to our son shortly before celebrating my 41^st birthday. Two years later, we became a family of five when I gave birth at the reproductively decrepit age of 43. As I worked on a book about having children after cancer, I interviewed dozens of cancer survivors who had equally happy stories to tell.

But not every cancer survivor gets the information they need about family planning after treatment. Cancer treatment has long been a specialty that's mostly focused on the older people who most commonly develop the disease, and long-term survival issues for younger people with cancer-like fertility and pregnancy--have only recently made it onto the radar screen. A 2009 survey found that less than 25% of oncologists give their younger patients educational materials on how they can preserve their fertility during treatment, or refer them to fertility specialists.

So what do you need to know about pregnancy after cancer? Here are the top five questions to ask yourself and your doctor.

1. How can I preserve my fertility during treatment? If you haven't undergone cancer treatment yet, there are a growing number of techniques you can use to help preserve your fertility from the harmful effects of chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. Most common for women are egg and embryo freezing. Embryo freezing is currently considered more reliable, but the science behind egg freezing is advancing rapidly and experts believe that soon, women attempting to become pregnant using frozen eggs will have about the same success rate as those using frozen embryos (about 19-30%). If you're going to have radiation directed at your pelvic area, there are also options like having your ovaries surgically moved away from the direct "line of fire."

2. Can I become pregnant after cancer treatment? If you already went through cancer treatment and did not freeze eggs or embryos, you may wonder if it's too late to save your fertility. But for many women, fertility returns to normal after cancer treatment. Age has a lot to do with it (doesn't it always?). Generally, the younger you were when you received treatment, the more likely it is that your fertility will return to normal. The closer you were to 40, the more likely it is that your fertility has been permanently impaired.

It's also important to understand that even if your fertility does return, you probably have a shorter window in which to become pregnant than the average woman. Women who have undergone chemotherapy usually go through regular menopause a few years earlier than they otherwise would have. Doctors generally advise most men and women to seek advice from a fertility specialist if they've been unable to become pregnant after trying for a full year. But for a cancer survivor, since you know there may well be fertility issues, most experts advise seeing a specialist if you haven't been able to become pregnant within six months after you've begun trying.

3. Is it safe to become pregnant after cancer treatment?

For most cancers, the answer is an unequivocal "yes." There is no biological reason to think that getting pregnant could lead to a recurrence of ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, thyroid cancer or lymphoma, for example.

But there has been some reason to worry about breast cancer. After all, many breast cancers are fueled by the hormone estrogen, which goes into overdrive during pregnancy. It stands to reason that pregnancy after breast cancer could spark a return of the disease.

So far, however, all of the studies done on the subject have reached the same conclusion: women who get pregnant don't have any higher risk of having their cancer return than women who don't get pregnant after breast cancer. The studies to date have all been relatively small, and experts are awaiting word from two much larger prospective studies on the subject, but based on what we know so far, breast cancer survivors can become pregnant without fearing a return of their cancer.

What about damage to the growing baby from the lingering effects of chemotherapy or radiation? Studies have shown that there appears to be no such effects. Generally, doctors will advise women who have been treated for cancer to wait at least a year, and preferably two, before becoming pregnant, but this is primarily because that two-year window after treatment is the time during which there's the greatest risk of the cancer returning. If you're pregnant at that time, there would be some difficult choices to make.

4. I'm pregnant and I'm a cancer survivor. Do I need high-risk obstetric care?

Probably not. If you are healthy enough to become pregnant after having had cancer, you are also probably healthy enough to receive regular obstetric care. I saw a midwife for my pregnancies, and one top oncologist told me that this can be a great model of care for cancer survivors because of the close personal attention midwives give. What you don't want, she said, is a big, impersonal practice where you see a different obstetrician with every visit. You want someone who will get to know you well and notice very quickly if something seems a little off.

It's always a good idea, though, to consult with your oncologist to make sure that there aren't any lingering issues from your treatment that might make a pregnancy high-risk and require more specialized care. For example, if you have impaired heart function as a result of chemotherapy, the added strain of pregnancy on your heart may need to be watched closely by a maternal-fetal medicine specialist or cardiologist.

Women who get pregnant after cancer are often also of "advanced maternal age"-an awful-sounding term that just means you're over 35. While many "AMA" women have pregnancies that are just as healthy and easy as their 25-year-old counterparts, it's true that there are some increased risks, including a higher rate of miscarriage, placenta previa, and chromosomal abnormalities. These should be watched for, but that's usually something an ordinary obstetrician or midwife can do. Unless the complications you're at higher risk for actually develop, your pregnancy-related medical visits are likely to be wonderfully "normal" compared with what you went through during cancer treatment!

5. I've been unable to get pregnant after cancer. Is my dream of having a family (or having more kids) over?

No way. There are many other options for having children if you are unable to get pregnant after cancer. We adopted our wonderful daughter in domestic infant open adoption, and many U.S. adoption agencies welcome cancer survivors. (You'll just need a letter from your physician stating that you have been successfully treated for your cancer and that he or she sees no reason why you wouldn't be able to parent a child.)

There's also foster parenting, surrogacy, egg donation, and embryo adoption, all of which are possibilities for cancer survivors.

There is one essential message for every cancer survivor: If you have love to give a child, there's a way for you to become a parent. It might not be as easy as you thought it would be when you were younger. It might be more expensive, more difficult and more frustrating, especially when it seems so easy for so many of your friends. But it can be done. And when you hold your child in your arms, it's all worth it.

Eight Budget Ideas for New Moms

Jessica Denay, author of The Hot Mom's Handbook, has 8 budget friendly ways to be a hot mom yourself. Here they are:

1. For newborns, tear baby wipes in half vertically and save for big messes,
that's all you really need for most changes, and the box will last twice as
long.
2. Instead of buying a new stroller, use covers such as those by Itzy Ritzy, to make an old stroller new. For around $100,
you can make an old hand me down or used stroller look fresh and unique.
3. There is no reason to buy expensive baby clothes, with daily discount sites like Gilt.com, Hautelook.com and Mamabaragains.com, you can get designer items
at up to 70% off.
4. Be smart when you register, Cord Blood Registry just launched a baby
registry program so friends and family can chip in to bank your baby's cord
blood (fyi: siblings have an up to 75% chance of being a match so if you didn't bank your first baby's cord blood it is even more important to bank your second or third.)
5. When decorating your child's room, frame art and drawings from siblings or cousins- this adds a personal and playful feel and is easy on your wallet!
6. Start a babysitting co-op with friends, find a currency, say
'sticks' -each couple gets 10 sticks, one stick represents one hour of babysitting time. If your friend watches your son so you can go to yoga or to a movie with your hubby, she gets 2 sticks if you are gone two hours, if you run out
of sticks the only way to get more sticks is to babysit for someone's kids
in the group. This keeps it fair.
7. For busy moms, it is not always practical to get to the salon regularly,
treat yourself to a good haircut at a nice salon for style and shape, then
maintain at more affordable walk-in salons. When grey hair starts creeping
in, brush a little mascara to cover, this will stretch out your color a week
or so. Also if you are in between showers and your hair is feeling
greasy, put a little powder on your hands, then rub into your scalp to
absorb the grease.
8. Host a 'Clean Out Your Closet Party': Invite your most stylish friends.
Everyone exchanges clothes - it's a fun excuse to get together, and everyone
winds up with something 'new'. Then you can donate what's left to a woman's
shelter. This works for kids' clothes as also.

Jessica Denay is the founder of Hot Moms Club and Hollywood Hot Moms blog. She works with countless celebrity moms on their baby showers, nurseries, and events.

The Hot Mom's Handbook by Jessica Denay is the ultimate resource with insight into everything from avoiding MILP's (Moms I'd Like to Punch)
to Making your Minivan Rock. She also has advice from celebrity moms.

Tips for Pregnant Moms

With so much to think about, here are 10 tips for pregnant moms from moms who've been there.

1. Getting the nursery ready - There is more to getting ready for a new baby than picking paint colors and bedding, although that is so much fun! Depending on the space or room, key things to having an organized space are do you have enough room for a crib, changing table, dresser, rocker? If space is limited you need may need to think about double duty furniture. A crib with drawers underneath is wonderful for extra sheets. A dresser that can do double duty as a changing table can grow with the child. A rocker than can easily move into another room and not look like a glider is great for when it is on longer needed in the nursery. Baskets and bins are wonderful for storage, they should be labeled for their contents. Diapers, onesies, etc.

2. Before and after the baby arrives organize all the clothing you receive as gifts. Set up the closet and drawers by age. If you are hanging clothes, use color-coded hangers for the appropriate age., e.g. 0-6 months has white hangers, 6-12 months has pink. If you want to keep the closet uniformed with all the same hangers, use tabs that can attach to the top of the hanger for the ages, which are available at www.containerstore.com. For your drawers spring loaded drawer dividers are a great solution in large drawers. They are available from www.bedbathandbeyond.com and come in white and wood colors. Divide the drawers and label the insides e.g. shirts, dresses, etc. this way opens the drawer will know what is in each section.

3. At the bottom of the closet have two clear bins or baskets set up. One container should be labeled "pack away" and the other "donate". Your baby is going to be growing out of clothes very quickly so when they something doesn't fit you want to be able to quickly put it away in the "pack away" bin or place it in the "donate" bin where the item can be given to a friend or charity. Once the donate bin is full, remove the contents and get in the car as soon as you can so it isn't starting to pile up causing unwanted clutter in the home.

4. Have an area in the nursery or home for all returns, there may be gifts you get that are duplicates or the wrong size. Once the baby comes along it will sometimes be hard to remember where you left those shoes that need to be returned. A bin or canvas tote can hold all returns until you are ready to head to the store. Make sure this bin or bag is labeled "returns".

5. It is important to have the car seat all set up, the bassinet ready to go and all linens and clothes washed in kid friendly detergent. The more prepared you are with this stuff the more relaxed the first few days at home will be.

6. The hospital bag should be all packed and ready to go. Make sure the bag contains a family photo, reading material, your favorite music, hard candy and peppermint tea for afterwards. Bringing some comforts from home can really make the hospital stay much more enjoyable.

7. Not only should you have everything ready for the baby but you should also make sure you have everything you need for when you get home from the hospital. Do you have family members who can come by for a few hours and help you with laundry, make some meals, or just be there to support you through this transition.

8. Have some nice clothes ready for those couple of months after the baby is born, you may not be back to your pre-baby weight but if you are wearing something that makes you feel good about yourself it will do wonders for your confidence.

9. Having your vitamins and medication all in one spot is key also, keep them out on the counter or in a place that you won't forget. Yes, they are not the prettiest things to look at so get an attractive container or basket to hold everything.

Use phone and online tools to set reminders for all kinds of critical tasks because you'll often comment that you think you're losing your mind. There are plenty of online services that will remind you to buy diapers, change your contact lens, or pay the cable bill, so use them. You'll never feel as scattered as you do with a new baby in the house. Check out acuminder.com as an example. They will send you text messages & emails sent to you to make sure you are changing and taking care of your contact lenses. You are going to have a lot of distractions so you want to make sure you are taking care of yourself.

Drink lots of water, take your vitamins and taking care of tired eyes is key.

10. Join a playgroup or start one of your own. This is more important for you than your baby, it is a great way to meet new moms and to talk about the new experiences you are going through.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family - they are only too glad to help and don't forget to take care of yourself. A happy Mommy means a happy household.

New dads may say their wives have never looked more beautiful than right after giving birth, but most new moms just feel sweaty and exhausted. Thank goodness Go Home Gorgeous (gohomegorgeous.com) is bringing spa treatments to your hospital room post-delivery!

The company's postnatal body therapy blends massage, aromatherapy, and guided relaxation with the goal of supporting healing, easing stress, and encouraging sleep. Therapists transform your maternity ward quarters into a mini-oasis using LED candles. Services are now available seven days a week in Minneapolis and Saint Paul, MN, but the company is expanding to other locales.

Hospitals are even getting in on the act with services of their own. At Tucson Medical Center in Arizona, in-patients can request a complimentary massage after delivery. Pre- and post-natal massages and acupuncture are available to patients for a fee at Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington. Therapists perform treatments right in the hospital room, or new moms and moms-to-be can visit designated rooms.

"Postnatal body therapy is about addressing the physical, spiritual journey of the mother," says Go Home Gorgeous Founder Rachel Swardson-Wenham. "Our ultimate mission is to have moms feel rested and recharged and ready to take care of their baby." To find a certified pregnancy massage practitioner in your own area, go to americanpregnancymassage.org and click "Find a Therapist."